Urban Etiquette, The Commuter Karma Edition

One of my favorite blog posts of all time is when I wrote about Urban Umbrella Etiquette for HuffPo over 18 years ago. There are other versions of my tips floating around - but that article pops up every once and a while during storms in the city. 

I decided to add to the repertoire - and talk about subway commuting. See, I've been taking the subways in NYC since I was 10 yrs old in the late 80s - and I took them by myself  (these days I barely let my 12 yr old cross the street to the store). I've seen the evolution from spray painted cars and all that real NYC grit, to what we have today. If  I MUST date myself, I remember using a few generations of subway tokens, including the ones you could get fake slugs for that worked on those ginormous cement turnstiles - not that I did that of course.

When I was little I used to tell friends I did these. I did not, because I was in bed by 8. I also didn't really have friends.

After a job change, I stopped commuting into NY in 2007, and for 10 years, I bought more plane tickets than metro-cards. Skip to 2018 and I'm back to the daily underground rite of passage. Took me almost a year to remember major stops and transfer stations. My Native New Yorker card was almost revoked.

What that 10 year gap did provide me was a comparative perspective that the daily commuter may not have noticed. Like a frog who won't jump out of boiling water if you turn the temp slowly, most commuters adapt because we have to until it's too late. I'm the frog that got taken out while the pot was still cold, and put back in when the temp is nearing the 90s... so hell yes, I can tell the difference.

"I could have sworn there was a 9 train at this station...."

There is a marked difference in the quality of the commute, I'd guess the demarcation would be pre-and post hurricane Sandy, when the system was completely flooded, and the infrastructure damaged and still under repair.  Overall however, the subway experience is dirtier, the trains  haven't been upgraded (with minor exceptions) in a decade, the stations more crowded, the schedule more delayed, and a general increase in ickyness than I can remember. Maybe I remember my late 80s riding a bit more nostalgically than I should. The subway was crap, and even dangerous. But it was also cheap, and generally there was less people on them.  Now everyone seems to have to use them because the alternatives are nightmarishly slow bus rides or 80 dollar ubers. That means the commute is crap, AND crowded, AND expensive, an unholy trinity of morning misery for millions of urbanites.

So we are forced to bear this burden together.  At least until politicians start losing their jobs because of it.  But in the meantime - we mustn't become crabs in a barrel, jostling each other for position, unaware that we are all  keeping each other miserable.

"Please move to the center of the car..."

So here are a few tips for all us. Most are based on logic, but others are long held New York commuter traditions that - well, seemed to have been forgotten.  We all need a bit of good "Commuter Karma" these days - so that the train we need arrives on time, we don't lose our phones on the tracks, or find ourselves sitting next to the "no-poo" guy on a flaky day.  Here's my list:

Take Care of Your Feet.  
Flip flops? Hundred dollar heels?  Bright white sneaks? Com'on now - you are going to be in a tin can with hundreds of people who have a thousand other things to worry about than your feet. Wear some sensible (and durable) footwear, and carry the fancy stuff in a bag for when you get where your are going (and don't take up so much space with that bag, off the shoulder and between the legs, please).  In a crowded car, you are going to be lurched around and if someone stepping on your toe devalues your wardrobe by a considerable amount or puts you at physical risk - you are wearing the wrong stuff.

Look Up! 
The biggest glaring difference between NY today and 10 yrs ago - is the snails pace everyone is moving during rush hour. Why? Because we can't look up from our phones lest we miss that witty meme, or don't take in our daily Instagram or Facebook fix.  Looking at our phones while we walk around in stations not only slows down everyone behind you, it could put you in real danger.  Trips and  falls are way too common, especially on stairs, and in NYC people are more pissed that you'll be delaying their train when you break your ankle than worried if you'll walk again. Sorry, that's just truth.

OMG people, seats! 
Manspreading has gotten all the attention of late, with folks social shaming dudes who believe their "sac" requires extra "cul." Those guys are terrible, but there is also "womanspreading" where ladies feel their bags are just as entitled to seat space as a paying commuter. Both people have a special place in hell waiting for them, where the only place to sit will be tandem bikes with no cushions.

Yeah Lady - you famous now.

Part two of this, and related to the previous suggestion - pay attention to who's standing. Look up from your phone, and notice the pregnant woman, the person with a baby or very young child, or elderly passenger standing there.  And give up the dang seat. Seriously.

Pay Heed to Passing Lanes
Like the highway - the left lane is the passing lane.  On escalators, it's the far left side, on stairs, it's the middle lane. You got time to spare, have a heavy bag, or need a minute to rest? Stay to the right.  That teeth sucking you hear behind you when you are on the left lane? That's for you.

Don't. Stop. Just. Don't. Stop. 
If you are walking, and need to reflect on life, enjoy the underground views, or meet up with pizza rat - move over. Sudden stops in the middle of a mass of rush hour commuters is the quickest way to get a hockey check, and you won't hear an apology.

You Really Gonna Eat That?
I don't understand why anyone would expose their food to the particulate infused air of an underground train, but it happens. It almost always is something that while delicious, has a odor best reserved for outdoor eating. I get after a long day (or early morning after a late night) you may need to multi task and get some nourishment to fuel your travel. But know this - you are ingesting way more than you think. It's just not worth it.

Avoid the "this card is not working" scenario
The bane of any commuter who hears his/her train coming and needs to run to the platform, is when the person just ahead of them at the turnstile all of a sudden realizes their metro card is expired, empty, or folded so it no longer works.  Don't listen to the "Swipe Again" instructions - move over, test it at the little box, and see if its a problem you can resolve.  I once paid a hapless tourist her fare because she couldn't get that her day pass didn't work for her AND her husband within the 20 minute wait time. She turned and smiled and began some overly extended non-native New Yorker thank you - I glared at her and said "Just. Go." It was not my proudest moment. But she got the picture.

If you like that bar that much...
The bars in the cars are so more folks can be safe while riding the train. It is not so you and your 3 girlfriends can form a circle in the middle of the car, lock shoulders so no one else can use it, and stand chatting in a human girl tepee on your way to the club. Its not for the dude who decides he's gonna hug the pole so he can swipe thru tinder with his free hand. Its not for that person who decides they don't need a hand at all, and can just wedge the pole between their glutes for maximum standing stability. You like poles that much? You can purchase one and put it your house or apartment. Don't worry, folks these days don't judge.

And Finally - Don't be an Energy Thief. 
My term for those who refuse to push a door, or a turnstile gate, and wait for someone behind them to do the pushing or try to slip through a closing door without keeping it open for folks behind you. These folks are usually germaphobes, and can't bare to touch anything underground, so they rely on the rest of us to use our energy to create force while they hoard their energy and just breeze through. It' perhaps my biggest commuter peeve, as it basically tells the word "forget y'all, you can get sick, I'm too good." Health problem? Get some gloves and hand sanitizer. I'm totally cool with those folks who wear masks, that's just their reality. But forcing someone to touch something you won't is kinda bonkers, especially when that means the person behind you gets a door slammed in their face or has to restart the gate carousel cause it ran out of momentum.  You remember that time the person behind you pushed the carousel door a bit too hard and you got banged from the back?  I can guarantee it's cause they were on to your game.

Let's contribute to a better and easier commute for all, by being a better rider community.  Until enough of us put pressure on the powers that be to really invest in our infrastructure, its not going to get better. But lets not become worse in the process.

Happy Commuting.